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You have to pick:

The other option this is paired with happens to everyone on Earth, not just to you.
 
or
 
An unkillable spirit of vengeance keeps striking you repeatedly with an ordinary tablespoon. Each blow is only a minor annoyance, and you can run away from it for brief periods of time, but it will always follow you and will never, ever stop.

 
Comments
napadan1990  

This has got to be one of the best options, seeing as most of the ones it ends up with would be cool if everyone could do.
greathouse.kyle  

ahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahh ... spoon
jonnyt_  

Except there are a lot of bad options on this site too.
danielkinane  

Ah crap
You  
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